iks-rotarran:

one of the most vindicating moments of my existence was watching Garak’s first episode with my (non-shipping and non-trekkie) boyfriend (who had seen the first couple episodes prior to this). his INSTANTANEOUS reaction was “holy shit I thought you were exaggerating”

when Julian was being weird about Garak potentially being after state secrets, he yelled “your DICK is NOT A STATE SECRET” at the screen

i have run out of emotion and am making up for it with long meandering phrasing to communicate simple concepts to sort of. translate the reactions i might otherwise have had

7:31 PM with 2 notes
July 30
tagged: james problems  

I’m not sure if this might also resonate but for me it feels like I’m the camera in a video game. I can see things happening around me but I don’t feel like I’m a part of the shared existence of them, or that they are physically, tangibly real.

yeah that’s a really good way of putting it too, damn

7:23 PM with 6 notes
July 30
tagged: electricshoebox   derealization talk  
Anonymous said: hi james, i'm the anon from neirin's tumblr. would you mind talking about your experiences with derealization a little bit? i'm interested in hearing from someone else about it, but im p anxious about talking about it publicly. thanks for helping and such.

i experience it a couple ways. the way i’ve described it that resonates best with people is that i don’t really have a grasp on myself as an individual with discrete traits and more like….. a floating awareness. in that sense i tend to feel distance, or like. padding, from physical experiences and emotions, which is convenient because it means i have a pretty decent pain tolerance i guess

the other way is i sort of….. cancel out for spaces of time, and i may or may not be aware during them in some kind of way but usually i just have no memory of whatever happened during that time. this used to happen sometimes when i was driving and it was pretty worrying. it also happens in briefer windows while people are talking to me and i find myself responding with no idea what has just been said. or i find myself in a different place with no recollection how i got there or why. my memory is pretty bad anyway but this does not exactly help. i also have problems recognising myself? like i recognise my face but not as mine exactly. it tends to surprise me by only moving when i do. my mother used to tease me about being vain cause i’d stare at my reflection all the time.

i hope that helps? i’m not really an expert on it so all i can really do is describe my own experiences that seem to me to fit the bill

5:56 PM with 10 notes
July 30

now that the power’s back i have nothing concrete to complain about but i’m still pretty out of sorts

good thing i have nothing to do today at least. i don’t think i could do anything significant.

1:50 PM with 3 notes
July 30
tagged: james problems  

POWER’S BACK THANK GOD

1:24 PM with 5 notes
July 30

update: the benefit of a gas stove is that I can light it manually. tea is totally accessible. thank god for small miracles

12:52 PM with 10 notes
July 30

Mostly I just want some goddamn tea

12:49 PM with 4 notes
July 30

Apparently the problem is pg&e being incompetent at consolidated bank accounts

Times like this I wouldn’t mind being in on the agreement so I could just. Call them myself

12:45 PM with 2 notes
July 30

I woke up and the power was out. good morning world

11:59 AM with 7 notes
July 30

i am not going to bed but i am removing myself from tumblr because i am too keyed up and every single thing anyone posts about is aggravating it. how dare other people have things to say. i resent everyone for existing good night

11:54 PM with 5 notes
July 29
tagged: james problems  

spotify literally played the same horrible audible.com ad twice in a row i guess that’s a sign that i’m not meant to listen to any more rihanna tonight

10:52 PM with 4 notes
July 29
tagged: james problems  

I had coffee to get through class and I am full of regret

9:41 PM with 4 notes
July 29

i have showered and shaved and eaten one meal and that’s it, i’m done, someone please carry me to class because i cannot accomplish any more physical tasks today

one more crossover cast member and i’m changing my tag to torchwood age iii: rise of the rift

2:31 PM with 9 notes
July 29
tagged: da:i spoilers  
llmns